Published on July 31st, 2012 | by MISTY0
5 Questions With The Mean Jeans
During the madness that was NXNE this past June, I had a chance to start getting one of my nights twisted with Portland’s pop punk party animals, the Mean Jeans. The guys answered a slightly revised version of the infamous ’5 Questions’ in between sharing jäger bombs and getting ready to rip it up for a full house at Toronto venue, Parts & Labour. Keep reading to find out about their hidden superpowers; who would win in a Wayne and Garth vs. Bill and Ted tag team match; what “wizard staffing” entails and more after the jump.
Jeans Wilder: 5 words? 5 minutes. No!
Billy Jeans: What the fuck’s up, dog?
Jeans Wilder: Drunk, retarded, what the fuck’s up?
Billy Jeans: We’ve already been criticized for using the word retarded too much.
Jeans Wilder: Oh yah, We can’t say retarded. Totally un-retarded.
Jr. Jeans: Barely playing a single note right.
If your band could have any superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it?
Billy Jeans: To be completely honest the Mean Jeans have a hard time being an independent band, we’re a completely dependent band because we don’t have a van so we only tour with other bands who have a van, and there’s a couple elements to that; one is that we don’t own one, two is that we get too twisted to drive one so I think the ability to, I mean we all know how to drive drunk but the ability -
Jr. Jeans: The ability to avoid alcohol detection on your breath. Getting out of the DUI’s…
Billy Jeans: I don’t even want to drive when I’m drunk, DUI or not!
Jeans Wilder: We already have the ability to do ten or twenty jäger bombs and still play. The problem with this question is we do have a couple superpowers but then every other normal aspect we don’t have those.
Jr. Jeans: A superpower would be like having a babysitter who actually wanted to hang out with us.
Jeans Wilder: Oh yeah!
Jr. Jeans: Someone to hold me.
Jeans Wilder: Someone to hold my jäger and Red Bull as I answer this question.
Billy Jeans: And hold it together.
Jr. Jeans: We can’t hold it together ourselves.
Billy Jeans: Basically our superpower is not doing shit.
Jeans Wilder: Nah, just doing our thing!
Billy Jeans: Our thing and taking care of business is mutually exclusive.
What is the craziest thing that has ever happened while you were playing a show?
Jr. Jeans: For awhile there was that planking fad, there was a very fat dude that -
Billy Jeans: I did a guitar solo on a planking dude.
Jr. Jeans: Yes. You did your guitar solo on a planking fat man.
Billy Jeans: Then there was the time that you were crowd surfing while doing poppers -
Jr. Jeans: Yeaaaaaah -
Billy Jeans: During the show.
Jr. Jeans: That wasn’t while we were playing.
Billy Jeans: Yeah that was while we were playing.
Jr. Jeans: Whoa was it? I’ve done…yeah.
Billy Jeans: That was freaking amazing! He put the bass down while I ripped a critical guitar solo and he was doing poppers.
Jr. Jeans: And not spilling the poppers!
What can we look forward to coming up from the Mean Jeans?
Billy Jeans: Well we’re gonna go play in about five minutes.
Jeans Wilder: You can look forward to that. You personally! [laughs]
Yeah! I’m gonna jump around like crazy.
Jeans Wilder: I’m gonna sit…and play the drums.
Billy Jeans: We have a boys EP coming out, we’ve been talking about it for awhile.
Jr. Jeans: Yeah we’re talking about doing a ‘boys’ EP which is covering a bunch of songs with the word boys in it.
Billy Jeans: Including Kenny Logins’ ‘Playing With the Boys,’ ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ by Gloria Estefan, ‘The Boys Are Back in Town’ -
Jeans Wilder: – Thin Lizzy
Billy Jeans: ’Boys in the Street’ by Eddie Grant, great song, there was one more…
Jr. Jeans: I don’t think we’re going to do ‘Boys Don’t Cry.’
Jeans Wilder: There’s a Gary Glitter song boys song that’s really good too.
Billy Jeans: Really? I love Gary!
Jeans Wilder: But you can also look forward to the new album which is gonna be straight up punk rock, you know, eight minutes long probably. Rough. Raw. Recorded with one mic.
Jr. Jeans: VHS video. We’re gonna do VHS videos.
Jeans Wilder: Yeah we’re gonna make a movie, instead of a music video, you know like Beatles’ ”Help!” [laughs]
Ok. Who would win in a fight? Wayne and Garth vs Bill and Ted? Go!
Jr. Jeans: I thought you were talking about us!
Jeans Wilder: I think Bill and Ted would win. Hands down.
Billy Jeans: Bill and Ted would win.
Jr. Jeans: Yeah.
Jeans Wilder: Garth is like, he can’t even walk without Wayne.
Jr Jeans: But he has the shocker…
Jeans Wilder: What’s the shocker?!
Jr. Jeans: Where he blazes that dude up!
Jeans Wilder: Uhhhhh
Billy Jeans: Whaaaat?
Jr. Jeans: Yeah.
Jeans Wilder: Ok yeah. You can’t assume they have weapons, though.
Billy Jeans: Weapon assumption is out of the question.
No weapons. Hand to hand combat.
Billy Jeans: I feel like Garth is a wuss, but maybe of the variety that might be able to pop off but it’s not like he’s a wuss to Wayne, who is someone who could could handle it, Wayne couldn’t handle anything. I feel like Bill and Ted are even keel, on the same level. They’re party boys and if you really wanted to fuck with them… I mean, when he calls that guy a medieval dickweed because he thinks that Ted got killed when they dressed up as knights, he goes buck!
Jr. Jeans: Yeah.
Jeans Wilder: That’s actually really easy.
Billy Jeans: Bill and Ted it is!
Jeans Wilder: Bill and Ted.
Jr. Jeans: [cheers]
Mean Jeans consist of Christian (Billy Jeans) on guitar/vocals, Andrew (Jeans Wilder) on drums/vocals and Richard (Jr. Jeans) on bass. Click on the player to listen to Jeans Wilder explain the art of “wizard staffing” as well as the track, ‘Ready To Rip’ from their 2012 album, ‘On Mars’ (Dirtnap Records).